Like most young children, five-year-old Big Brother is unabashedly interested in the human body. We’ve had conversations about the bones, muscles, blood, and where poo comes from. We’ve talked about the heart, lungs, intestines, and why we’ve got snot. We’ve even had a very funny (and graphic) discussion about how girls can possibly pee without a penis, using a tap and a garden hose as props.
So when Big Brother asked me whether the brain or the skeleton is the “Chief of the Body” last night, I didn’t have any idea what we were about to get into. I thought it was just another night in the Eberhardt house.
“But the brain can’t be the Chief of the Body, Mummy. It doesn’t move.”
“No, but the brain makes the decisions. Your brain sends messages through your nerves to your muscles, and they move your skeleton.”
“Wow. So your muscles are the bits that do the moving? So what does your skeleton do?”
<Insert brief description of the role of a skeleton.>
“And what about… what do you call those balls that only boys have next to their penis?”
“Yes. What do testicles do?”
…. Where did that come from?
Big Brother and I had talked about where babies come from before. He already knew that Mummies have little tiny eggs in their tummies (“Even smaller than a baby ant?!”) and the egg has to be fertilised by a Daddy for it to grow into a baby. And since he remembers my being pregnant with Little Brother, he more or less knew what happened next. For quite a while I’d been expecting him to ask me: How? How does a Daddy fertilise the Mummy’s egg?
And last night, the time for that question finally came.
I’m not going to fill you in on the whole conversation. I’m pretty sure you know how it works. (And if you don’t, perhaps you should go ask your own Mummy or Daddy!)
I’ve heard a lot of people say that The Talk is difficult. I didn’t find that at all. I was honest, direct, and answered every question he asked using the real names of the body parts involved. The hardest part was keeping a straight face.
Here’s a few gems from Big Brother.
So, a Daddy squeezes and squeezes until sperm comes out his penis, and then the sperm goes into the Mummy’s womb and fertilises the egg, and then the baby grows and grows until the egg hatches and a doctor cuts the Mummy in half and takes out the baby?
Why is it called ‘semen’? Does it taste like the sea?
So the Daddy puts his penis inside the Mummy’s vagina? Wow. You should tell this to Daddy!
Do you remember your parents telling you about The Birds and The Bees? Have you had The Talk with your kids? Any funny responses you’d like to share?