Kid Logic

You know what the best thing is to keep your ego in check?


There’s nothing quite like the feeling when your five year old says, “You’re so lucky, Mummy. I have to stay in the bath for ages and ages to get wrinkles on my skin, but you have them all the time!”

Or when you’re talking to your mother on speaker-phone and your son announces, “If I talk too much, Mummy just tells me to shut up.”

The thing about listening to children talk is that they say what’s on their mind. All the time. Even when it doesn’t make sense

My sister called the other day to ask Big Brother if he’d like to go with her to the art gallery. Big Brother responded, “That would be lovely! And do you know what I had for breakfast today? Yoghurt!”

But it’s not all accidental insults and non-linear conversations. I was discussing school with Big Brother the other day when the conversation took a turn for the complimentary.

BB: What happens when I finish grade 12? Is there another school?
Me: If you’d like to, you can go on to University and learn something else.
BB: When I grow up, I’m going to go to every school in the whole entire world so I can be as clever as you.

If you ask me, he’s pretty clever already. Or, in his own words, “I may only have a little brain, but I have big ideas.”

One of Β his big ideas is that he’s going to be an artist when he grows up. A sculptor, to be exact.

“When I grow up, I’m going to be an artist,” he said. “And I’m going to make sculptures and have my own art gallery and studio, just like Auntie Jak.”

“That sounds great,” I said.

“Will you help me set up my gallery, Mummy?”

“Sure. I don’t know much about art galleries, but I’ll help you however I can.”

“Great,” he said. Then he thought a minute and said, “Do you want to be an artist when you grow up, too?”

I smiled. “Actually, I’m already a type of artist. I’m a writer.”

His face lit up like it was Christmas. “Really?”

“Yep.” I admit it, I was thrilled he was so excited to have a writer for a mother.

“Then you can write all the signs for the art gallery!”

Like I said, there’s nothing better to keep your ego in check than kids.

Do your kids give you back-handed compliments?


Filed under Life With Kids

18 responses to “Kid Logic

  1. When you have a 13-year-old son, sometimes the only backhanding is the one I want to use on his face. But I don’t. But I really really want to. So bad. So so bad.

  2. Your piece had this normally grumpy old sod smiling. It’s moments like these that make up for the darker times, don’t they?

  3. I love kid’s thinking. When my son (who will soon graduate college) was five he woke up so grumpy. I said, “You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.” He looked at his bed and said, “There’s only one side I can get out of because my bed is up against the wall.”

    The funniest thing was when I was a Cub Scout leader. My co-leader’s job was a dark stranger (park ranger). We invited someone from the local drug council to talk to our kids about the danger of drugs. He started naming drugs to see if the kids recognized the name. When he got to cocaine my son shouted out, “My mom cooks with cocaine all the time.” Boy was I glad that I was at that meeting or I would have had people beating down my door. What he meant was we cooked with propane.

    I’m glad you’re writing down these conversations, they will be invaluable when your son gets older. It is so easy to forget the funny comments. You are creating memories for the future. I hope you are also noting cute mispronunciations.

    • Hahaha. “My mom cooks with cocaine all the time!” That cracked me up. πŸ˜‰ I’ve had the “wrong side of the bed” conversation with my son as well, who spent an entire day thinking I’d climbed out of Daddy’s side of the bed.

      I think the cutest mispronunciation we had with Big Brother was “apple”, which he pronounced app-ley for the longest time. Although it’s also cute the way he says ‘ink-spec-tive’ instead of inspector.

  4. So hilarious. He’s a treasure. Little Chap made us howl with laughter the other night. We’d been out driving in the car. Waiting at a mini roundabout, a sports car of some description drove past us. Mayfair Dad said “Would you like Daddy to buy one of those, Little Chap?” to which he replied quick as a flash, “Yes, but you’d have to chop my legs off first!” At least he’s as committed as his dad…

  5. ava

    Big Brother has a way with words too! πŸ™‚

  6. He loves you, obviously. I can see the writing on the wall… πŸ˜‰

  7. It would be so wonderful to be identified as a writer! That must have felt great! And the wrinkle comment? Awesome. πŸ™‚

  8. Hey… when you’re freelancing, a gig’s a gig. πŸ˜‰

    I jest, of course.

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