Tag Archives: humor

The End of the World!

I was in high school the last time I remember the world coming to an end. Grade nine, to be exact. It was September, 1991.

It was a big deal.

For weeks before the big event, TV and radio personalities talked about little else. (Disclaimer: I was 14. I may have ignored the other news stories.)

Finally, the big day came.

But before it came End of the World Eve.

As my friends and I were leaving school, we gathered together to talk about what we expected to happen on the morrow. Would there be fire? Flood? Nuclear weapons? Zombies? Nobody knew. But one thing was for sure.

Why bother doing homework when the world’s only going to end anyway?

So, being rather unfamiliar with the real meaning of hedging our bets, we all vowed to “hedge our bets” and not do any homework.

The world was coming to an end. What did it matter if we completed twenty polynomial equations and wrote a 500 word essay on some book we’d never actually bothered to read?

I have sad news.

The world didn’t come to end that September day in 1991.

Even worse, we all got lunch detentions for not completing our English homework.

Even worse, two of our number did their homework anyway.

I tell you this story so you can understand why I treated news of today’s coming Apocalypse with some small measure of trepidation. I’d been there before. I’d put my faith in the world ending, and been sorely disappointed (and punished). I wasn’t ready to open myself and risk having my heart broken again so soon. It’s only been twenty-one years.

(Gods, I’m old.)

And as the clock ticks over from December 21st to December 22nd, I leave you with this message:

Kaboom

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Filed under Random Stuff

A Different Memory

There’s a war memorial in a park near where we live. There’s a paved area surrounded by a beautiful little garden and some park benches. There’s a plaque with the names of soldiers who served and those who died and there’s a series of statues.

In the centre of the paved area there are two statues of soldiers. They look young and brave, but they’re leaning against each other as though they need the support. Sitting on one of the benches are two more statues, these ones of an elderly lady and a young boy. They are looking towards the soldiers, the child pointing at them and the old woman leaning down to talk to him.

We’ve driven past the memorial countless times over the last couple of years, but it clearly hasn’t registered with Big Brother before now. A few days ago we were driving past it and he said, “There are statues over there.”

There was a moment’s pause. Then, “And there are two more statues sitting down! Why are those statues there?”

“Well…” I began, flipping through conversation ideas in my head. Do I start with the word ‘memorial’? Or do I start with the war? Or soldiers? Do I talk about how his grandfathers were both soldiers? Or say the statues are there as a celebration of bravery?

I didn’t even have a chance to speak. In the seven and a half seconds I’d been thinking, Big Brother had figured it out.

“Oh,” he said, his eyes wide and his expression serious.

“The White Witch was here.”

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Filed under Life With Kids, The Inner Geek