Tag Archives: spam

A Letter From the FBI

Picture by cliff1066

When I was a teenager, I was what most people considered to be a “good girl”. Sure, I skipped class on a regular basis, talked back to teachers, and occasionally lied to my parents. But who doesn’t, right? I didn’t take drugs, drink underage, or sneak around at night. I got good grades at school. And I didn’t commit crimes.

While many things have changed over the last twenty years, I’m still not a criminal.

So I wasn’t at all worried when I discovered I’d received an email from the FBI.

And not just some random person at the FBI, either. A couple of days ago I got a letter from one Mark F. Giuliano. According to the signature on his email, he’s the Special Agent in Charge of the FBI’s Atlanta Division. But I know better than to believe everything I read on the interwebs, so I did a quick google search to double-check.

(Yes, I do see the irony in using the internet to check the validity of something I saw on the internet. And my response to that is here.)

According to a National Press Release from the FBI on October 3rd this year, Mr Giuliano was, indeed, named as the Special Agent in Charge  of Atlanta Division. So this letter is clearly legitimate. Sure, it came from an IP address located in Japan, but that was clearly just the FBI being secretive and tricky…. Right?

Without further ado, here is the letter I received. (I hope posting it here isn’t illegal. Please contact me if there’s any problems, Special Agent!)

From the office of Agent Mark F. Giuliano
Special Agent in Charge of the FBI’s Atlanta Division
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence field unit
2635 Century Parkway N.E,
Suite 400 Atlanta, GA 30345 USA
  
Urgent Attention:
  
I am Special Agent Mark F. Giuliano from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (Atlanta Division) Intelligence Unit. We have just intercepted and confiscated two (2) trunk boxes at Hartsfield Jackson Atlanta international airport, and are on the verge of moving it to our bureau head quarters.
  
We have scanned the said boxes, and have found it to contain a total sum of USD$4.5M and also backup document which bears your name as the receiver of the money contained in the boxes. Investigations carried out on the diplomat who accompanied the boxes into the United States has it that he was to deliver this fund to your residence as your contract/inheritance payment which was due you from the office of finance Minster of the federal government of Nigeria.
  
We cross-checked all legal documentation in the boxes, and were about to release the consignment to the diplomat, when we found out that the boxes is lacking one very important documentation which as a result, the boxes have been confiscated until the required document is provided.
  
According to section 229 subsections 31 of the 1991 constitution on release of unclaimed consignment payment, your consignment lacks funds ownership certificate and for that reason you must contact me for direction on how to procure this certificate, so that your consignment can be legally cleared and okay for delivery to you.
  
You are required to contact this bureau within 72 hours or we would take it that you do not want your consignment, and would move it to the treasury Also, you must not contact any other bank for any payment, because your payment is here in care of our storage vault team and will be released to you once you follow my directives
 You have been warned.
  
Yours in service,
Mark F. Giuliano
Special Agent in Charge of the FBI’s Atlanta Division

 

Although I’m very pleased to get this letter, and to discover that all the emailing I did a few weeks back with that Nigerian Prince has paid off, I’m a little concerned. In fact, I’m more than a little concerned. I’m fairly sure that diplomat was trying to steal the funds that rightly belong to me and the Prince. What other possible reason would he have to fly into Atlanta, when my arrangements called for the funds to be brought to me in AUSTRALIA.

I’ve written back to Mr Guiliano, of course, asking that he immediately arrest the diplomat and send the money back to Nigeria so it can be forwarded to me with a more reputable ambassador of the Prince. Hopefully I’ll receive notification from him soon that my arrangement is back on track.

But in all seriousness, I’m impressed that the Special Agent in Charge of the FBI’s Atlanta Division would have taken the time out of his busy schedule to contact me about this, and that he didn’t simply keep that $4.5 million for himself. Gods bless the FBI.

Have you ever had a letter from Mark F. Guiliano? How about other FBI agents?

57 Comments

Filed under Random Stuff, The Inner Geek

Thank You, Spambot

One of the best parts about blogging is connecting with people from all over the world. Every time I publish a new post, I eagerly await the influx of emails telling me that someone has Liked or Commented on my post. Sadly, those emails are sometimes few and far between. But I can always rely on a few blogging friends to jump in and share their thoughts. (Thank you, guys!)

Plus, of course, there’s my good friend Lista de Emails.

You may be surprised to learn this, but Lista and I have never met in real life. I don’t even know if Lista is male or female. (But for ease of reference, I will refer to Lista as ‘him’ for the remainder of this post.) But he is clearly an avid follower of my blog because, regardless of my topic, Lista always has something nice to say.

When I wrote about procrastination, he was the first to say:

this blog is very informative. i am really impressed by the comments which people have given over here. i am sure many people will get more and more knowledge from this.

That was especially lovely, because I didn’t have any other comments. I was impressed by his faith in my regular readers. I’m aso positive that many people will get more and more knowledge from them.

When I wrote about visiting a museum, he said:

i visit your website everyday and i read all of your articles.

I know, Lista. I know you do.

But the next day, having clearly thought further about my post, he added:

i think it should have more educational articles like yours, so everyone would be able to learn something new.

I’m not sure exactly what “it” is. The internet? The museum? Either way, there should definitely be more educational articles. Possibly not that particular post, which was supposed to be funny. But anyway. The following day he added:

your statement was highly appreciating i will make a look on.

That one confused me. Perhaps I’m not highly appreciating enough.

Despite the fact that Lista is my most regular (and appreciating) commenter, there are a few others who drop by randomly with encouragement.

Buck says: I simply want to mention I am beginner to blogging and site-building and seriously savored you’re blog. Probably I’m going to bookmark your site . You actually have very good articles. Thanks a bunch for sharing with us your webpage.

 Sexdate says: Hi you have a good website over here! Thanks for sharing this interesting information for us! If you keep up the good work I’ll visit your blog again. Thanks!

Sherril says: I am extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a nice blog like this one nowadays..

Expertravels says: Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Very helpful info specially the last part :-D  I care for such info much. I was looking for this particular info for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

Mobilabonnement says: It¡¦s in reality a great and helpful piece of information. I¡¦m glad that you just shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

So to Buck, Sexdate, Sherril, Experttravels and Mobilabonnement, I say: Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed my articles, writing skills, layout, and information.

The blogosphere is such a supportive social environment, don’t you think?

I’m also quite fond of those people who drop by and ask deep, philosophical questions.

Trenchcoatsale asks: Jack shall have Jill.What about having a pizza first?

Answer: If Jack has a pizza first, he’ll go to sleep and poor Jill will miss out.

Dieta asks: You’ve got a little bit more time to prepare for but are Americans better off today than they were four years ago when the president of just?

Answer: Sadly, your preparation time is ended. The President of Just has already been replaced by the President of Desserts. Or was it the President of Cake?

And finally, there are those commentors who seem to make no sense whatsoever. To be honest, and I don’t mean to offend anyone, I’ve occasionally wondered if they’re even people at all. Take this one for instance:

Policy decisions are always a balancing act of build ounces of control case medicinal marijuana of either indoor or outdoor. For indoor you can opt for Marijuana Grow Box the be opportunities, such as the subject also must as appropriate medical marijuana clinics. Just as you have adapted to accept these chemicals over is supportive tighter addictive different be very cautious.

If it is a person, I’m a little concerned he’s smoking a bit too much of his medicinal medicine.

Or this one:

 Old tunes are sweetest and old friends are surest.All for one one for all. It really takes time. I don’t like what you are saying. I’m home. It’s not his work that bothers me it’s his attitude It’s not his work that bothers me it’s his attitude You look as if you didn’t care. Would you like some help? I am so full that I would burst with another bite .

But regardless of the nonsense they spout, I’m always incredibly grateful to people for taking the time to comment. So go on. Do it.

What’s an example of an odd or over-complimentary comments you’ve received on your blog?

73 Comments

Filed under Opinion, Random Stuff